How Our Presence Makes Others Feel
Are we repelling people or drawing them in?
Whenever someone crosses your path, are you repelling them or drawing them in?
One summer, I was out of town for a series of events. There were several happy gatherings with a lot of people and a lot of food.
On the tail end of things, we had one final gathering with somebody new before we all went our separate ways.
Seeing as we had a bunch of food leftover from previous events, I gathered it up and went on my way to share the goodies at an outdoor potluck.
“I believed that
what I brought
wasn’t acceptable…”
Once there, though, I suddenly realized who was present. I hurried over to the friend I’d carpooled with and in hushed, low tones said, "Hey, I have Doritos and brownies in this bag! Should I go put it in the car?”
“Yeah, I was wondering why you brought that.” And after a moment’s thought, my friend said, "Go put it in the car.”
You see, this new person was a vegan chef who owned a vegan restaurant, a health foods store, and even had published vegan cookbooks.
To be fair, this person never directly said anything negative to me, but I’d seen their cookbook about the perils and pitfalls of meat, cheese/dairy, and processed foods. So I believed that what I brought wasn’t acceptable at this potluck.
And so I took a step toward the car to go hide my food and—whoosh!—someone who’d heard the entire conversation leaped forward, grabbed the bag, and promptly set all the items on the table without saying a word.
“No, you are NOT going to run away and hide what you have. What you bring is wanted and accepted here.”
I have to say I was really proud of that person for being bold, unashamed, and—frankly—taking the situation quite literally out of my hands. It was as if they were reminding me, “No, you are NOT going to run away and hide what you have. What you bring is wanted and accepted here.”
In the grand scheme of things, Doritos and brownies are pretty innocuous. I mean, I didn’t lace the brownies with marijuana. The food wasn’t even mine. I just gathered it up in hopes that it’d be used and enjoyed. I hated to see it go to waste.
“Ever since that experience,
I’ve asked myself a few questions...”
So let’s think about this. Ever since that experience, I’ve asked myself a few questions:
Am I making others feel like what they have to offer is not good enough?”
Does my very presence make people feel like they should go and hide?
Am I treating others in a way that repels them?
To be honest, I know I’ve made people feel like what they bring to the table is not acceptable. Whether intentional or not.
This happened when I was at my sister-in-law’s home. In fact, two of my sisters-in-law were in the kitchen peering in the fridge and I heard one ask, “did you get [insert name of an alcoholic beverage I can’t remember...]?”
“No...we didn’t get that because Jon and Melinda are here...”
“I wish I’d stepped forward and made them feel more at ease, made them feel more loved and accepted rather than feeling the need to hide who they are and what they do.”
They didn’t know I was around the corner and could hear.
I never told them not to drink. I didn’t say anything at all related to alcohol, nor did I wrinkle my nose or eye them with disgust. But they knew Jon and I were church-going, non-drinking, non-smoking people. And that fact made our presence a conviction in their minds.
Like the person at the potluck, I wish I’d stepped forward and made them feel more at ease; made them feel more loved and accepted rather than feeling the need to hide who they are and what they do.
However, that was many years ago and I’m happy to say that, now, one sister-in-law does feel welcomed and loved by us for who she is regardless of the choices she makes.
“Feel welcomed and loved for who you are and regardless of the choices you make.”
The other sister-in-law I don’t have a lot of contact with, but I hope to make her feel just as loved and accepted whenever we do meet again.
What about you?
Are you repelling people?
Or drawing them in?
Thanks for joining me on my very first #ShortStorySunday. ✨🎉✨
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P.S. This is more than food and drink. This applies to many things.
Take this pandemic world we’re living in. I’ve had friends tell me of the strangers (and even friends) who’ve backed away, recoiled, and have otherwise made them feel like they’re unclean and should go back to the leper colony they came from.
And then the tears.
I understand this coronavirus is serious business. But can we tone down our reaction to having people around us? Can we try not to make others feel like they’re too dirty or unworthy of our space?
💛
If you enjoyed this story or it gave you good food for thought, please consider adding a comment to let me know how it impacted you, big or small.
